Third Word
This is the darkest hour – Jesus is hanging from the cross, having been unjustly condemned, stripped and beaten. The heavens have even responded with the absence of light, a three hour window of darkness that declares the suffering and pain of our Lord. There is nowhere to hide from the darkness. Some disciples tried, some have even denied Jesus, some have kept their distance in fear of their lives. But nothing could keep Mary, Jesus’ mother, away from her son. She had already let him go once when he left the family carpentry business to travel the countryside proclaiming the Kingdom of God, seeing him only when time allowed. She was with him at the wedding at Cana encouraging the servants to do what he said as Jesus began his ministry and revealed God’s glory, turning water into wine. I am sure she must have been so proud of Jesus healing the sick and curing the lame. And when word came back to her about Jesus feeding the 5000 and his inspired teaching, Mary surely pondered these things in her heart. I can only imagine that Mary had also heard, and was troubled by, the growing tension between Jesus and the Pharisees, the confrontations that seemed to happen whenever Jesus revealed God and demonstrated his power.
Recently I was having lunch with a girlfriend in town. We met several years ago and quickly discovered the joy we shared of being the mother of rambunctious boys. She has three and I have two. Over the years we have done birthdays together, and play dates at the beach, and lots of baseball games. No matter what curve ball life throws our way, we always seem to relate to the issues about raising our boys. At the end of our sushi she shared with me one of her sources of strength – when things get out of hand, or she is in need of an extra measure of patience while working with two boys on homework and the third desperately needing her attention – she prays to Saint Mary because she knows that whatever she is facing, she has a conviction that Mary has faced it too. Mary knows what it is like, in spite of your best intentions, to lose her son and not just for 15 minutes in the mall but overnight when he stayed behind in the temple; Mary experienced a boy who was wise beyond his years and beyond her years too. Mary journeyed with her son as he tested limits and made his way to manhood. My friend connects to Mary through their shared role of motherhood, the trials and heartache, the joys and wonder that is so woven into the mother-son relationship.
This is the Mary that stands at the cross. She is watching her son, humiliated and tortured, hanging between two criminals. Thank God she is surrounded by friends because to be quite honest I do not even know how she has the strength to stand, watching her son in such pain. Yet she has support of her sister-in-law and two other Marys, women who know Jesus, women who feel Mary’s pain as well as their own. For Jesus is not just Mary’s son, but also their Lord, master and friend. So together they mourn, together they cry, together they witness his death.
Before Jesus dies he does something amazing. With nails in his hands, holding the weight of his body, enduring the pain of this scandalous crucifixion, knowing that death is fast approaching, Jesus looks down from his cross, sees his mother and in a moment of compassion ministers to her. He sees the beloved disciple, John, and redefines their roles, saying to his mother, “Woman here is your son.” And to the disciple he said, “Here is your mother.”
With these two sentences, Jesus is both honoring and redefining family. Honoring family in that how we care for one another within our family is important. From the cross, Jesus validates the bond between parent and child and the role one generation plays in the nurture of another. Jesus cares about our struggles caring for our aging parents, like,
When do we ask them to stop driving because it is no longer safe?
When do we invite them to live in our homes or suggest they might need more assistance in theirs?
Jesus understands our struggle with how do I care for a parent battling cancer and still try to nurture our own children. Jesus knows the weight every child feels to care for their parents. But Jesus is dying on the cross and he will not be able to meet his responsibility to his mother, to protect her, provide for her, support her. That leaves Mary in a precarious place. So he turns to his beloved disciple and redefines their relationship.
With the words uttered from the cross, now John will care for Mary as his mother, he will nurture and provide for her and think of her as his own. He will take the mother-son role he knows for his own family and apply it to Mary, someone he knows but shares no blood relation. From the cross, Jesus joins a disciple with his mother, in essence saying care for her as if she were your own, because you are my own. For in this moment as Jesus is about to breathe his last breath, he wants us to take the mother-son relationship which we know and expand it. For we are to become as family to each other because of the love we share for Christ. With these two simple sentences Jesus is saying, yes you care for your own, but because you both believe in me, because you are both my disciples care for those in your midst. Family is not just those to who you are related by blood, but rather family and caring for one another is part of what we do as the body of Christ. When you see a person in need, ask yourself how you would respond if that were your mother. When a friends hurts, do you show compassion as you would to your family members? Jesus creates this renewed believing community from the cross as he charges John to care for his own mother, Mary. (Pause)
At Jesus’ darkest moment his family changed, and so did mine. I had just found out my marriage of 15 years was ending, I was doing a lot of soul searching and crying. I had two boys to think of and care for; I needed to find a job. But before anyone knew, when it was just between me and God, I had an overwhelming desire to find my birth-mother. I had been adopted when I was two weeks old into a loving family with three older siblings. I had a great relationship with my mother who helped me come into my own and supported me into the ministry. But it wasn’t until after her death that I could even think about finding my birth-mother. I had gone as far as I could getting the non-identifying information from the state because in California all adoption records are sealed. But those three pieces of paper told me about my parents – their age, hobbies, how tall they were as well as the fact that I get my coloring from my grandmother. I also found out I had a half-brother and that my mother wanted me to be raised protestant. But what I did not have was her name, a way to find her, a way to connect to the woman who brought me into the word.
But in the darkness of facing a divorce, God redefined my family. Sitting at the computer not knowing where to turn, God led me to a website. Now I had searched the web for ways to find my mother, had even signed up for a newsletter, but had never gotten around to reading them, but that night I read one, and at the end of an article – the little button said California adoptions – so I clicked on it. To my amazement they claimed to be able to find my loved one in 3-5 days and with no money up front. This was too good to be true so I called my best friend in California, because it was 11:00 at night and ran it by her. After checking them out with the better business bureau I filled in the form and sent them my non-identifying information. The next day I called Ed, asked lots of questions, discussed the fee and I said go ahead and find my mother. Within four hours he had called me back saying he had found my birth father, who unfortunately had passed away the year I had married. The next day he called to say he had found my half-brother which I was excited about. But what I was searching for was my mother – so keep looking. After about a month Ed finally said he could not find my mother, but maybe if you follow up with your uncle whom he had since found and half-brother maybe they can help you. That was back in 2006 so that Christmas I was on a plane to meet my Uncle Tom and Aunt Carol who said when we first met in the restaurant I have the Strasser hair, and they told me wonderful stories about my Dad. Then two nights later I met David, my half-brother – he and I share the same mother – and we enjoy talking and writing to each other and sharing our faith, for he too was placed in a strong Christian family. The funny part is I now have two brothers named David, both born in 1961. Since then I have also created a relationship with my half-sister Karyn and her entire family, half-brother Rich. Just this past February I took my boys, Cooper and Parker out to California to meet their cousins – Amanda, Jessica and Nicole and we all had a blast riding ATVs in their backyard. So my boys’ family changed too.
In the shadow of the cross things changed, Mary and the disciple’s relationship changed so that he claimed her as his own and brought her into his home. But one thing will never change and that is the love we find in our Savior and Lord, for while hanging from the cross he elevated familial love and expanded it to include the body of Christ. The same kind of love Christ lived as he died for our sins, the same kind of love God revealed redeeming the world, the same kind of love we are charged to show in Christ’s holy name.
I have yet to find my mother. But in my heart of hearts I pray to stand in front of the woman who I have longed to meet my entire life, the woman who in her own moment of darkness when she signed paper shortly after giving birth, who may have since created a new family; and I pray to hear Jesus say, “Disciple here is your mother.” Amen.
