September 13, 2020
Realizing that their father was dead, Joseph’s brothers said, “What if Joseph still bears a grudge against us and pays us back in full for all the wrong that we did to him?” So they approached Joseph, saying, “Your father gave this instruction before he died, ‘Say to Joseph: I beg you, forgive the crime of your brothers and the wrong they did in harming you.’ Now therefore please forgive the crime of the servants of the God of your father.” Joseph wept when they spoke to him. Then his brothers also wept, fell down before him, and said, “We are here as your slaves.” But Joseph said to them, “Do not be afraid! Am I in the place of God? Even though you intended to do harm to me, God intended it for good, in order to preserve a numerous people, as he is doing today. So have no fear; I myself will provide for you and your little ones.” In this way he reassured them, speaking kindly to them.
This week during our Gathering time, Marian Langdon asked those on the Zoom meeting what the highlight of 2020 was for us. Her thoughtful question was met with a pregnant pause, a deafening silence. Then she was asked if it had to be a good thing, just to clarify. Then I throughout, a highlight for someone else because that seemed easier to answer. We struggled with finding the good in this unusual year known as 2020. A pandemic, wildfires raging through California and the west, months of racial tensions, a contentious election and skies that make you wonder if something more is going on. Cooper took this picture on Wednesday after a day of eerie yellow turned to an amazingly strange red sky.
Joseph might have had a hard time finding the highlight in his relationship with his older brothers. As you recall, Joseph was the youngest of Jacob’s sons and his favorite. Joseph was so favored; his father gave him a beautiful coat. His brothers were jealous and conspired to kill him, but settled on throwing him in a pit, before selling him into slavery. I am not seeing a highlight here. Years later, when famine strikes their land, Jacob sent his sons to Egypt to purchase grain, where they encounter their brother Joseph who is now in charge of the Pharaoh’s household. Joseph had earned the Pharaoh’s trust by interpreting his dreams. Joseph is in a place where he can save his brothers, save many people, because he heeded God’s vision in a dream and stored up grain before the famine. But this is not just about saving their lives, it is about saving their relationship.
Their father had died, and the brothers had to discover how to be a family once again, especially in light of all the hurt they had experienced. (We know about family hurt too; the sibling who does not return your call or always puts you down, the years of not having the relationship you have always dreamed of, the pain of seeing a loved one trapped in addiction.) Fearing Joseph would hold a grudge and pay them back for all the hurt they caused him, the brothers beg for forgiveness. Well actually they lied and say their father asked Joseph to forgive them. Yet they know forgiveness is what is needed. Forgiveness frees us from the past, frees us from the hurt, the pain, the broken hearts that we all know too well. We all struggle with forgiveness at some point in our lives, but holding on to anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge only cause suffering. When we do this, we become both the prisoner and the jailer.
But when we forgive, we do so as much for ourselves as for others The truth is forgiveness is for our own growth and well-being. Forgiveness helps us to remove pain from our hearts. Forgiveness also allows us to move on without anger, contempt or to seek revenge. Forgiveness is what moves a family forward and to put things right.
A new thing is happening during this strange time: Zoom Family meetings. I have heard about new video gatherings within families dispersed across the country. Now that we all know how to use Zoom, no longer do we simply have phone calls, or even face-time, we can gather our family to connect through this online medium of communication. Not sure if forgiveness was involved, but time and realizing the need of family and connection has created a new way being family. Marian, to your question I think that is one of the highlights of 2020.
So often when we talk about forgiveness, we hear we should forgive and forget. The idea is that when we forget we can move on, be at peace about our past once and for all. But forgetting is a tall order. I have heard many people say, “I can forgive, but I will never forget.” Maybe what we need is not to forgive and forget, but to forgive and remember.
“Contrary to how it is most often used, remember does not simply mean to stroll down memory lane. Rather, to remember literally means to put something back together again. Joseph re-members his story differently. As he shares his story, he says, “I know you sold me into slavery. I know you thought you were harming me. But God used me to bring life to you. But God sent me to Pharaoh’s house. But God took me from the pit to the prison to the palace. But God was in control” (verses 19-20). So, as he re-members, he does not just remember what (the brothers) did, but he also remembers what God did” (Working Preacher, 9/13/2020 Christopher Davis).
Earlier in the story Joseph says to his brothers “Do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you…It was not you who sent me here, but God” (Genesis 45:5, 8). Even though the brothers intended to do harm to Joseph, God intended it for good, in order to preserve a numerous people, God intended all of this for good! It is our ability and need for forgiveness and God’s ability to work through situations that enables God’s plan to be worked out.
Back to Marian’s question- we might need to remember our year differently, finding the times that God is working in our lives even when it feels strange and disorienting. 2020 has been a hard year to find encouraging and wonderful moments.
Yesterday I had one of those God moments. I had reached out to my ex-husband to talk to him about something and we had set a time to discuss it. We did not connect but instead I got a call, out of the blue, from my sister-in-law. Our 18-year relationship had been deep and caring, full of laughter and growth. But during the divorce 14 years ago, we parted ways, as families often do. It was a very painful time when that friendship, that sisterhood, ended. We had spoken a couple of times and saw each other a few times at the boys’ graduations. But yesterday, she called and said she wanted me in her life again. We tearfully reconnected, celebrating all that we had shared and that today we could once again be friends. She wanted me to forgive her for walking away, which I easily did.
I remembered our relationship in light of a hopeful future rather than a hurtful past. Gratitude, joy and reconciliation filled my heart!!!
Joseph said something that has stuck with me. He said, “Am I in the place of God? (v. 19). When difficult things happen, when the world feels like it is falling apart, when relationship get torn apart, when a nation struggles to be its better self, we get to remember that we are not God. That God has a plan. That even when it feels like we are adrift and nothing good is happening, God is working in and through our lives.
After Joseph and his brothers forgive and remember, one more thing happens. Joseph calms their fear, provides for their families, and reassures them with kindness. Isn’t that what we all want? So let’s remember, while the brothers were worrying, Joseph was weeping, because Joseph had chosen to release them from the past. How is it that Joseph does not remind them of their offense? Simple—he re-members his story differently. He remembers that God is in charge, that God is close and working, that God is caring and loving and our refuge and strength. May we remember, forgive and re-member, during this strange time. May we remember in a way that honors our great and powerful God, our deep faith in Jesus Christ and our hope in a future that is bright and good. Amen.
