34 I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another. 35 By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”
9 Let love be genuine; hate what is evil, hold fast to what is good; 10 love one another with mutual affection; outdo one another in showing honor. 11 Do not lag in zeal, be ardent in spirit, serve the Lord. 12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in suffering, persevere in prayer. 13 Contribute to the needs of the saints; extend hospitality to strangers.
14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with one another; do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly; do not claim to be wiser than you are. 17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil, but take thought for what is noble in the sight of all. 18 If it is possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.
I read somewhere that we all have about five people we deeply care for in our lives. Our inner circle, if you will. These can change over time. Sometimes they are family members, other times they are the family we have created, our tribe if you will. They know our history and secrets, and they love us anyway. These five are the ones we honestly let into our lives and we are invested in theirs. I once introduced a man I was dating to my three best friends, my brother and my two sons – he met my 6 closest people as a way of helping him understand who I am. Then the next layer out might have about 15 people we would call them friends, but they are not as tightly woven into our tapestry of life. We might do lunch, play golf or work together. Then moving one more layer out, we can hold about 150 people that we might call acquaintances. I am sorry but no one can have 1,200 friends as some say they do on Facebook. The theory is that we naturally have about 5 intimates, 15 friends and 150 acquaintances. We do this to help us manage how we share our emotional energy, how we decide who we care about and how deeply.
I start here today because we are talking about our church family being a caring community. If you just look at those numbers, I can bet that most of us do not have our BFF in this church. If you do, I consider you wonderfully blessed. Yet many in the St. Andrew community have built years of memories with fellow believers in this church. Some have shared 54 years together!
Caring Relationships is one of the Seven Marks of a Vital Congregation. It speaks to community, belonging, authentically sharing who we are and our faith journeys. It is contrasted to the social clubs where people are casual acquaintances but would have a hard time really being intimate with each other. At first glance I think we do this one well. We are welcoming and affirming, we offer hospitality to those we encounter, I have even heard we are friendly. Imagine that, a friendly church community. Caring is one of the benefits of being a smaller congregation, we know and can be known. It touches my heart when I hear of the help and caring shown by people in this church to their fellow members and friends. Sitting with a sick member, or visiting after a move, or bringing lunch when someone is grieving. Prayer is another way we care for one another. Asking about those we have prayed for helps knit us together as a community of faith. Within caring communities, when there is a conflict, we believe that Christ’s reconciliation will abide. We trust each other another to be honest and share our feelings.
I had one of those moments while visiting members. We shared lovely fellowship and then started talking about the church. They shared a concern they had with my ministry and after my tears and our prayers we are all the more connected in our commitment through Christ. It wasn’t an easy conversation, but it was an honest one. Being a caring community does not mean we are all smiles and roses. It means we honestly trust each other because of the trust we have for Jesus.
At the core of caring relationships is Christ’s love for us and our love of Christ. Right after washing the disciple’s feet, we heard Jesus give us a clear command to love one another as I have loved you. People will be able to see our discipleship because of how we love others. That kind of love is agape love; a love that goes beyond our natural ability to love, to the love found in community and in Christ. Genuine love has a moral orientation toward the good. When we show love toward someone, we are moving them toward God’s goodness. True agape love is a sacrificial, self-emptying, perfect love. Although we are imperfect, we strive to see people the way Christ sees them.
But if we go back to our opening idea that we have only so many people we are connected to, how is it we are to be the caring community Christ calls us to be? How do we show this agape love we are asked to share?
Dietrich Bonhoeffer, a theologian who was martyred leading the Confessing church resistance to Hitler might help us understand. In his seminal work, Life Together, Bonhoeffer writes, “Christianity means community through Jesus Christ and in Jesus Christ” (p. 21). He then describes two kinds of love; human love and spiritual love.
“Human love lives by uncontrolled and uncontrollable desires; spiritual love lives in the clear light of service ordered by truth. Human love produces human subjection, dependence, constraint; spiritual love creates freedom of the brethren under the Word. Human love breeds hothouse flowers; spiritual love creates fruits that grow healthy in accord with God’s good will in the rain and storm and sunshine of God’s outdoors” (p. 37). Having caring relationship within the church is more than human love it is drawing on our faith and Christ’s love to show a spiritual love. Human love asks, “Do I want to do it?”
Spiritual love says, “God wants me to do it, so I will.”
Human love is fickle; spiritual love goes the extra mile. Spiritual love, agape love, empowers us to go beyond our human desires and show up for people in Christian ways. To show up in all the weather patterns of life.
Paul then explains what spiritual love, agape love, might look like within a caring Christian community. So many wonderful admonitions. Love genuinely, serve the Lord, be patient in suffering, persevere in prayer. But the real test comes in the one sentence “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” What a wonderful definition of caring, to feel alongside of another. Our prayers of the people, when we share our joys and concerns with the congregation, is a weekly way we rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep. I know sometimes the prayer time goes long and some people feel a little uncomfortable with sharing prayers with our community, but when we do we are loving each other genuinely, serving the Lord, and God knows we have had people who are patient in their suffering, persevering in prayer. Prayers of People is what we do corporately. And what you do individually matters too. Asking about a loved one who is ill, calling a member to check on them, taking someone shopping when they can no longer drive, simply smiling at someone at church. We are showing agape love, being caring people. But there is a catch. A caring community is not one directional. It cannot all be about how we help others. It is also allowing others to help you. It is being honest when you are struggling and allowing others to share your burden. It is calling the office when you are going in for a test or procedure. Or calling when you hear about someone else’s hospitalization. It is being vulnerable and trusting people to show up.
Growing up I remember not feeling like I could ask for prayers for my brother David who was addicted to drugs. I am glad to say I think we are getting better at that. Sharing the fullness of life in God’s house with God’s people; addiction, unexpected pregnancy, mental illness, incarceration, sexual orientation. Love overcomes shame, spiritual love rids us of hypocrisy. Because we practice and learn spiritual love here in community and then Paul ask us to share it with the saints in need, our enemies and all the world.
I leave you with this question, recalling where we started this sermon. Where would you place Jesus in your relationship circle? Is he one of your 150 acquaintances, one of your 15 friends, or is he in your inner circle of five? The closer Jesus is to your core support, the better you will be at showing agape love, spiritual love, within this community of faith and also to the world. Amen.
