“I heard it when I was growing up. Didn’t you? I was getting ready to go to a birthday party, to a
cousin’s house, or to a Sunday School event. The last thing I heard at the door as I was leaving
was this: Mind your manners!
I knew what it meant. It meant that I should behave myself at the party in ways I was taught at
home. It meant that I should act in ways that would not embarrass myself, hurt other people, or
bring disgrace on our family. Manners were important because values were important. The way
we behaved toward other people showed our values. If we valued family, friends, and our
relationship to others, we would act in ways that were respectful, courteous, mannerly.
In the Gospel lesson for today, Jesus was the dinner guest in the house of a religious leader. The
host and the guests were watching what went on. Jesus observed the manners that were being
practiced there at the meal and he saw the values that were being played out. Jesus interrupted
the party to do some teaching about values and manners. He taught about values that belonged to
the kingdom of God and said to all in the house: Mind your manners!” (Sermons.com, Roger
Van Harn). READ Luke 14:1, 7-14
My older son, Cooper, is a Best Man in a wedding. The groom asked that he and the other
groomsmen invite their mothers to the wedding so that we could all dance the mother/son dance,
to take the spotlight off the groom. I think it is sweet, and I am thrilled to go with Cooper to LA
for this wedding. But I will say Cooper and I have been having lots of conversations about
wedding etiquette, getting measured for a suite/tux, and we joined in on a wedding present for
the happy couple. Once we knew the dates, we purchased our flights and reserved a car. That is
my other task, driving in LA so that Cooper can focus on being present for his good friend. But
the curveball came when we were told the rehearsal would be at 10 am rather than directly
before the rehearsal dinner. So, we changed our flights and car reservations. Not quite what I
would call proper wedding protocol.
Jesus was a guest in the home of the lead Pharisee, when he noticed how guests were behaving
in a selfish manner. The religious leaders were watching Jesus closely while Jesus is people-
watching. “He’s checking out who is talking to whom, where people are sitting, who is present,
and who is absent. As a result, Jesus offers two related teachings” (Working Preacher, E. Trey
Clark).
The first teaching is “Sit low so you can be moved high. Not quite the same as Michele Obama’s
speech if they go low, we go high (2016 Democratic National Convention). Yet, taking a more
measured or humble view of yourself when choosing your seat at a wedding banquet is good
advice. “In Greco-Roman society, formal meals like this would often take place at a U-shaped
table. Each guest would be assigned a seat at the table that demonstrated their rank or social
standing—from highest to lowest. It would be deeply shameful to sit at the place of honor, only
to be moved to the lowest place. Jesus (is) challeng(ing) the attention and affections of those at
the meal” (Working Preacher, E. Trey Clark).
When I lived on Long Island, I was invited to offer a prayer at a friends banquet for becoming
the president of the local Bar Association. I was a bit out of my depth, but Michele was a dear
friend, so I wanted to be there to support her and pray with her. Feeling a bit insecure, I looked
for a place to sit. I found a spot at an out-of-the-way table and waited for the ceremony to begin.
But to my surprise, Michele found me and asked me to join her at the head table. Sit low, so you
can be moved high. I was humbled by that request. I do not think it is an accident that when
Jesus taught this parable he ended with, those “who exalt themselves will be humbled and those
who humble themselves will be exalted” (11). “His exhortation is to pursue humility, a concept
with significant status connotations. Humility was very rarely considered a virtue in Greco-
Roman moral discourse. Yet, humility is to mark the followers of Jesus” (Working Preacher,
Jeannine K. Brown). How are you at humility? And don’t say “I’m damn good” I think that
would miss the point. Are we able to hold ourselves on par with everyone, neither above or
below, because we are all part of God’s kingdom? Can we find our value in being a child of God
rather than in our position or status?
Before we get to the second lesson, I need to note that this discussion about table manners takes
place as Jesus is on his way to Jerusalem. These new ways of being at a wedding are really
teaching about how God’s reign necessitates a different way of being from us. One commentator
writes, “The cross casts its shadow even here… Here we have migrated fully away from good
advice about table manners to explicit theological language: “For all who exalt themselves will
be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.” The use of the future tense and
the divine passive suddenly place the prudential advice within a decidedly theological and
perhaps even specifically eschatological frame of reference” (Working Preacher, David Schnasa
Jacobsen).
The second lesson is directed towards the host rather than the guests. Don’t just invite people of
standing; your friends, family and associates who will invite you back, but invite those who will
never invite you for dinner. Before calling out the poor, crippled, lame and blind to invite to the
party, Jesus says do not invite your rich successful neighbors, so they will invite you in return.
“A hundred years ago, Ralph Waldo Emerson noted three qualities he deemed marks of true
“success”: the ability to discern and appreciate beauty, the ability to see the best in others, and a
commitment to leaving the world a better place. Notice that Emerson does not say that success
comes in having the best seat at the table, acquiring more material possessions, or in belonging to
the best clubs. Emerson contends that success comes with appreciating God’s world, developing
loving relationships with God’s people, and with working to improve God’s world. Jesus would
agree heartily.
In fact, our scripture lesson for today ends with a wonderful suggestion of how to work to make
the world a better place. Invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, and the blind to dinner. They are
all members of your family. Just think how much richer your table talk will be if you don’t just
associate with your business associates and closest relatives. Remember around the table such
wonderful things happen. Invite everyone to the table.” (Sermons.com, R. Robert Cueni).
I don’t know where Cooper and I will be seated at this upcoming wedding. But I do know I
would much rather walk into the reception with a humble attitude and be pleasantly surprised
when asked to sit at a place of honor. Sit low, so you can be moved high.
We started with “minding our manners” and how manners reflect what we value. So, whether it
is table manners, or social interaction, or political discourse, always remember that when they go
low, we go high. As the First lady said, this was her family’s motto to react to cruelty and
bullying with grace, integrity and dignity. It’s a call to action to rise above the fray, maintain
your values, and be a positive example, showing that constructive, honorable behavior is more
powerful and effective than negativity. When we do we live in humility and will be blessed with
the resurrection of the righteous. Amen.
