“Where Two or Three Are Gathered”

September 10, 2023
St. Andrew Church
Rev. Anne McAnelly

First Lesson:                                           Romans 13:8-10

⁸ Owe no one anything, except to love one another; for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law. ⁹ The commandments, “You shall not commit adultery; You shall not murder; You shall not steal; You shall not covet”; and any other commandment, are summed up in this word, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” ¹⁰ Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore, love is the fulfilling of the law.

Second Lesson:                                Matthew 18:15-20

¹⁵ “If another member of the church sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If the member listens to you, you have regained that one. ¹⁶ But if you are not listened to, take one or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses. ¹⁷ If the member refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. ¹⁸ Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. ¹⁹ Again, truly I tell you, if two of you agree on earth about anything you ask, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. ²⁰ For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them.”

While I was recovering from Covid I spent some time watching Blue Bloods with Tom Selleck a TV show about an Irish Catholic policing family in NYC. Selleck is the Police Commissioner, one son is a homicide detective, and another is a patrol cop, while the daughter is the assistant DA. A mainstay of this show is their weekly Sunday dinners. Saying grace is a regular part of their gathering and their faith often plays a key role in how they make decisions. In one episode, Frances, the younger son, tells his new fiancé Edie the impetus for the dinners came from his grandmother growing up very poor. Sharing Sunday dinner was just her way of saying they had enough food and proving it every week. But over the years it has grown into something more. Erin, the Assistant District attorney, and her father, the Police Commissioner, have a public difference of opinion that strains their relationship. The family and work roles were getting blurred, something her grandfather gently points out to Erin in a one-on-one conversation. Yet the tension remains at the table. The new fiancé has been coming to Sunday dinners for a while as she is thinking about her own fragmented family and her broken relationship with her mother. She insightfully notes that the Reagan family talks about everything. They fight, argue, laugh and cry together. But the amazing thing is that they keep talking, keep listening. They continue to share meals, they break bread together, and often forgive.
Jesus talks about restoration and forgiveness before and after our Gospel passage this morning. Restoring the one lost sheep to the fold after leaving the 99 to find the one. Then Peter asks how many times must I forgive? Jesus replies, “70 times 7”. In between we hear this account of resolving interpersonal conflicts, or sins. Listen now to God’s word to you. READ
How many times have you heard where two or three are gathered in my name Jesus is with them! Yet when you hear that it is more often a Kum Ba Ya moment of togetherness and warm fuzzies. Where two or more are gathered, Jesus is there.
Where two or more are gathered, the committee makes good decisions.
Where two or more are gathered, the spirit is present. It is not the culmination of forgiving sins and resolving conflicts. Yet as one commentator writes, “Whenever two or more are gathered … it can be really hard to get along” (Working Preacher, Audrey West).
Think of a time when you were struggling with someone you care about. Maybe they sinned against you, maybe you had a disagreement, maybe you just could not find common ground and it affected your relationship. What did you do? How did you handle that situation? Unfortunately, this can destroy relationships, ending communication, abandoning the relationship. Jesus knows this can happen and shares some suggestions. First, speak to the person directly and privately. This shows respect, and honors that this issue is between the two of you. It does not mean that you tell all your friends what a horrible person they are. Or post your grievances online, so that you get support for your side of the story. Speaking directly to the person means you value them, their feelings and that you want to resolve this and remain in a relationship. A therapist once said to me when I was struggling with a situation with my brother, “Anne, do you want to be right, or do you want to be in relationship?” It was so clarifying. Being right had clouded my judgement and kept me from seeing that the relationship meant so much more than being right. We soon resolved the situation and as it says in scripture, “I have regained my brother.”
But if direct communication does not work, bring someone with you. The point of this is not to gang up on the one who sinned, but to find a path to restoration. To listen to them and hopefully they can listen to you. Approaching them with love, praying for the conversation ahead of time, asking God to give you the words can help facilitate this process. Romans reminds us of the many ways that people sin, that we sin; encouraging us not commit adultery, or murder; or steal, or covet. If we approach the person mindful, “Save for the grace of God go I,” resolution is more likely. We follow the teaching from Galatians, “restore in the spirit of gentleness (6:1). For we owe no one anything, except love; love your neighbor as yourself.
The third part of sharing the sin with the church is a bit harder. First know that the word is really “assembly” rather than church, because the sins of one affect communal life. You see small issues can become big; big issues can become catastrophic. One solution is clear and open communication, but that requires as much listening as it does speaking. Yet Norman Vincent Peale once wrote, “The trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism” (sermons.com). We don’t like being taken to task when we have sinned. We often defend and argue rather than hear, listen and seek resolution. But that is the heart of forgiveness. That is what Jesus is asking us to do. Sometimes we will be the ones to call out the sin and other times we will be the one called out. Jesus is seeking to build a community of faith that trusts in forgiveness, that loves one another, that has the courage to speak and listen honestly.
It doesn’t mean we are holier than thou or that we do not sin. Martin Luther, the single man responsible for all of Protestantism, said: “O Lord, deliver me from Christian churches with nothing but Christian saints in them. I want to remain in and be part of a church which is a little flock of faint-hearted people, weak people, who know and feel their sin, their poverty, their misery, and they believe in the forgiveness of God.” Luther wanted to be part of a real family, a Christian family, a small family that cared for each other (Edward F. Markquart, Sermons.com).
One commentator notes the “primary function ( of this passage) is less to define a universal, three step process of conflict resolution and more to model how to walk alongside and protect those who are being disempowered or made vulnerable, enabling them to speak so that others might hear” (Working Preacher, Audrey West). This reminds us to be mindful of power dynamics and injustices as we seek resolutions.
That episode of Blue Bloods ends with father and daughter meeting together and casting fishing lines into the Hudson. The daughter took to heart her grandfather’s words, shared her hurt feelings with her father, because she did not feel protected by him in this public disagreement. But she also learned that she could stand her professional ground while remaining respectful of her father. Her professional voice was something she lost in this conflict. Talking and listening, faith and praying, finding our voice and hearing when we are wrong. I would say that Jesus was with them, two people gathered together. They were gathered in love and respect, while seeking resolution. After all, Jesus is present wherever two or three are gathered in his name, a name that means “God with us,” who saves people from their sins (Matthew 1 :21, 23).
Where two or three are gathered in my name is really Jesus’ promise not to desert his disciples, not to desert us, as we face that difficult truth and practice living more fully into the communities God calls into being. Jesus is present with us. “Jesus is present, really present, where two or three are gathered in the Divine Name. (Jesus is present) not just where two or three agree in Jesus’ name, but where two or three are gathered; presumably this includes the two who cannot listen to each other about a matter of sin, and how to handle it. Even there, perhaps especially there, Christ Jesus is present” (Working Preacher, Karl Jacobson). Amen.